You know that voice? Some call it Monkey Mind. Others call it their inner mean girl. It’s the thoughts we have that run wild that, more often than not, make us feel a bit s**t about ourselves. Or frustrated and stuck.

When women say they have an ‘I hate my body’ moment – it’s that voice. It’s quite literally the sound of our own voice saying, ‘Ew yuck’. Next minute it’s telling us to cut carbs, do pilates, get more sleep, drink more water, blah, blah, blah.

It’s the very same voice that says, “Well, seeing as you’re cutting carbs and doing Pilates on Monday, you may as well go large tonight. Let’s eat everything you’ll never have again from this moment on.’

That voice. It’s mean. It’s repetitive. It can be hard to live with.

So let’s look at how that voice works.

It’s not interested in the truth. It’s interested in safe. Repetition feels safe. Doing what you’ve always done, regardless of whether you hate doing that thing or even if it’s good for you, feels safe.

It thinks the same thought over and over and over and over and over again. Brains think the same thoughts they’ve always thought 99.9% of the time. That’s why they feel true. But they are not the truth; they are thoughts you’ve thought on repeat. 

It’s an uncommon business to stop your brain from thinking the things it’s always thought. There is no world where we can just tell our brain not to think mean or unhelpful thoughts because we don’t like them. That’s not how it works.

The only way to change the thoughts in our brains is to:

1. Notice them (surprisingly challenging)

2. Realise they are not telling the truth (oof, this takes some work. My body IS bad. I DON’T have the confidence. Nope. Those are just thoughts).

3. Allow the feelings those thoughts activate to be completely felt (we’ve got a cultural resistance to feeling emotions that’s bigger than Ben Hur. But once you become ‘emotional’, you’ll never go back)

4. Practice thoughts that serve you better and make your brain feel safe to the point that the inner mean voice prefers them to the old, unhelpful ones (I’m making this sound easy, but we all know this is challenging, sometimes excruciatingly so).

The bugger is, to create sustainable changes to our mean girl voice (which ultimately allows us to create different outcomes in our life) is the ability to create a safe space to feel our emotions completely. It’s the bit that most of us balk at, and it’s the bit that having a coach helps us the most.

My recent training in body image, non-diet health, and intuitive eating coaching has given me the skills to assist clients make these changes. They no longer have I-hate-my-body thoughts.  They can see their reflection and the mean girl is quiet. The “not good enough” thing is replaced with “okay, let’s give this a go and see what happens”. Their voice no longer insists they must change their bodies to feel better about themselves. Instead, their voice believes in their innate worthiness regardless of how they look. Bloody oath. Who doesn’t want that?

If you’re keen to know more, the next best step is to book a no-cost consultation to talk about what you want to achieve and see if 1:1 coaching is right for you. You can check out timeframes, fees, and other bits and bobs on my coaching page.